What Do I Want Out of Life

What do I want out of life?
What am I willing to give?
Who do I want to become?
What do I have to give up?
I knew myself,
Very well,
When I was very young.
As I got older,
That became less true,
And I've challenged,
Every part of me.
I've given up,
I've started fresh,
I focused almost exclusively,
On "I."
Self centered,
Ego centric,
Arrogant,
Selfish,
Prideful,
Cocky,
Narcissistic,
"I."
I experience love as best I can,
I save the response just for myself.
I cling on to feelings,
Emotions,
Memories,
All of which appeal to me.
When I share it is for you,
And the way you feel,
That is for me.
I absorb it,
I relish in it,
I feed off of it.
Your anger,
Frustration,
Pleasure,
Pain,
Each feeling you have,
That I have crafted,
Is the food on my plate,
The wine in my glass,
The goal I seek.
How I make other people feel,
Is what sustains me.
The power I get from affecting others,
Is the one thing,
Intentional or not,
That I want,
That I need.
It is a knife in the back,
Of all my good intentions,
"Et Tu Brute, Et Tu?"
I don't want to live this way.
I don't.
I want a simpler life,
Where my kindness is truer,
My generosity is more giving,
My love, my words, my heart,
Is shared for you,
Not for me.
I want to be less selfish,
But,
I can't.
Not that I know of.
It's all still about me,
It always has been,
Always will be.
So what?
What can I do,
To change myself on the surface,
Or in my veins,
That will allow the best of me,
To bleed into my every day life?
What can I do,
To be truer to myself,
While giving up on my baser instincts?
How can I become someone,
Who I can let other people love,
When I can't even love myself?
What?
What?
What?